APPARENTLY, a DISCREET family member of mine wants to 'help me catalogue' everything about me.
Everything from day-to-day activities, down to the shoes I wear. Literally.
I don't deserve to be treated in a certain way, it all comes down to....
Well, I can't say 'morals & ethics', because they are both based on motivations from the worldly audience.
I'd say......God's moralsðics fits in there best :)
This year has been a massive blur, there were some EXTERMELY good things that happened, which could be counted as the highlight of my life. But then, in return, there were some EXTREMELY bad things that also happened. I could either get all pissed at it and sulk in my little corner. OR, I could take this in a stride, without lingering at the regrets I've made, and turn this into a life-long lesson?
I lost something that was more special than all the cash put together in this world, yes, it's cliche, but it's true.
My diary for some stubborn reason, stopped flowing with vivid memories for some unbeknownst reason. And as hard as I try to keep it flowing like a foutain with beautiful crystal-clear reflecting water, I know that it won't be happening for a bit of time.
Do they really mean what they say? Because they're kind of contradicting themselves. They say they care, and that they want to, yet they don't put it into actions. Kind of contradictory, for a person who got pissed off and telling them off with the same lines I just said.
OR, it could be that they really care and they actually do mean it, but only through the hurtful words that comes out of their mouths :S So it's like, 'read between the lines'....
I have very vivid dreams. Only a few handful know what I mean. Not even a handful. Half a handful? Quarter of a handful? Gosh, I think it's a blessing on one hand, and a curse on the other hand. I mean, it depends on the dream right? But ARGGGGH. How the hell are you meant to determine my dreams when they don't relate much to your life. Like yeah, it does relate to my life, but not in any specific way. I mean, I dream every night. And it pisses me off. You could basically say that my dreams determine my mood for the start of each day. I'm not crazy, I swear I'm not.
Like the dreams I got when I was what...4? Lions and snakes chasing after me? I had that dream basically every single night. WHEN I WAS FRICKEN FOUR YEARS OLD. Up until when I was like...10/11, when the dream 'actually happened'. Coz after the 'incident' happened, I read these 'dream guides' or whatever the hell they're called, and I remembered what I saw in my dreams and then they all seemed to make sense. I still remember them as if I just woke up from it. But that 'guide' thingy, didn't really say much about others...I hate my brain...
HAHAHAHAAH. Ok, now, I come to a pause, and think of who could be reading this...maybe some well-off person. Maybe some stalker. Maybe some normal person. Maybe someone who's going through tough times. Maybe a paedophile. OMG ROFLMAO. I just stopped typing straight after the full stop after typing 'paedophile'..LOOL Serious matter Grace, it's a serious matter..but LOLOLOLOLOL
There's only one person in this world who knows me best, although they may not know it themselves, at least I'm telling them now - indirectly. If they ever read this. There's nothing that that person doesn't know about me. Well, all the important bits anyway. The smaller pieces can fall in random spots where they may. And no. This isn't some symbolic talk, about 'God knows me best'..
What else has happened? New school = new friends :)
LOL, I've changed school 'so many times' (the actual physical, school campus) everyone always goes, "OMG YOU CHANGED SCHOOLS AGAIN?!"
500 students is very overwhelming, especially if you had a 'trial' from a year group of approximately 60 people to a different school which had 180ish students, which THEN you change to the senior campus which contains 500+ students ONLY in your year. Which means a school of 1000+ students - including the year 12s.
BLAH. enough about me, I wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE :)
Secret Garden - you're making me go high.
***
I'm not really in the mood to talk to you, or anyone. What I say or do has been an act for quite some time. Yes even to you.
I don't mean to be mean, the truth hurts, but yes. This is the only way I can be when I don't want people to pelt me with questions.
Feel priveleged world. You have entered my diary. This is what I would write in my diary word-for-word. The previous entries weren't really 'diary entries'..
No comments:
Post a Comment